Tell a joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.


Here are my jokes and funny stuff for this week.


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


Signs That You're Broke At communion you go back for seconds.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.

McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.



please feel free to join in on tell a joke tuesday

Photo Friday

Hi all and welcome to my photo Friday for this week.

I would call myself a fairly moralistic man. always try and do what is right, respect my elders.
treat others as I would like to be treated, all that kinda stuff.

I guess the reason why I say about those things is because I was kinda shocked when I saw something at the store I work at .

Maybe I'm just going off without reason but I just think that the games age rating system is kind of messed up and now I have proof

Here is the prime example, a game called My health coach, Stop smoking. but if you look in the bottom left corner the age rating is 3 plus, a three year old can buy this game. Why on earth would a three year old by this game. who on earth would let a three year old smoke?
I think this game should be a 16 plus at least.

Ok maybe one game I can let go but look at this.


That's right, it's a legally recognised pass your driving test game and it ha real driving instructions and the entire driving test on the game. Look in the bottom left corner, that's right! 3 plus age rating. the legal age to drive in the UK is 18 so how on earth is a 3 year old gonna find any use with this. it's not exactly like they are gonna complete the test then run out but a car and drive it.
again another game that they haven't really thought about the age rating on.

I just kinda think that it goes to show that most games company's don't really care about the influence they have on children, they just look to make money. maybe I am just over reacting but I still think it's kinda bad that a three year old can go out and buy these games.
at three children are so easy to influence and things like these games should have a higher age rating

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Tell a joke Tuesday Spotlight

Tell a joke tuesday spotlight is awarded to the person with the best joke of the week.

This week the spotlight is shining on,,,

BRIDGET

Well done bridget you have won this weeks Tell a joke tuesday,

here is your winning joke.


What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Great joke bridget.

Bridget the spotlight is on you.

Tell a joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.
Quick note= until further notice please leave your link in you comment thank you.



Here's my jokes and funny stuff for this week.


A man goes to see the doctor and says, "Doctor it hurts when I touch my noes, it hurts when I touch my chest, it hurts wherever I touch, what can be wrong?
The Doctor says "Well it's really quite simple, You have broken your finger"


two teeth in a mouth, one tooth says to the other tooth " Are you getting dressed up tonight"?
The other tooth says "no why"? and the first tooth says "the dentist is taking us out tonight"


Please feel free to join in on tell a joke Tuesday.

Could it be?

Recently I have come down with a rather nasty cold, it actually started as a sore throat and two days later my noes was running so fast I thought I was gonna need a dam building inside my nostrils.
My throat seems to not hurt as much but there is a cough developing, the kind that I know is gonna keep me up all night. Usually you can tell when a cold hits it's peak but I don't think mine is quite there yet.

Now I must admit the thought has crossed my mind that it could be swine flu, But I have looked in the fridge and the bacon seems no more appealing than it did before.

I guess that with all the news going around it does make it kinda worrying when you get the sniffles. the first thoughts that go through your mind are - Do I have the swine flu.
While the chances are quite high that anyone could get it, I don't think I have it,, Or at least that's what I am hoping

AACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!
bless me

Ferrah Fawcett

Farrah Fawcett Died on June 26 2009
if that date sounds familiar it's because Micheal Jackson died on that same day.


Farrah Fawcett was made famous by the hit show Charlies Angels. She was a big star in her day.
Her death was also announced on the 26th, but it seems she was just swept under the rug and completely forgotten about.

It was all Jacko Jacko Jacko.
don't get me wrong it was sad to see him go but should the death of one person give way for another?

She did get a small announcement on the news. but in my opinion not nearly as much as she deserved. She really was a great actress and it was a sad loss.

Farrah was making a comback in 2006 when
She found out she had anal cancer.
She even made a video diary of her struggle.
But sadly she lost the battle.
She was 62 years old

Tell a joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.
Quick note= until further notice please leave your link in you comment thank you.



Here's my jokes and funny stuff for this week.


An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"




Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.

Patient: Go with the good news first.

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What?! How about the bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

I hope you all enjoy my jokes for this week, please feel free to join in Tell a joke tuesday.
I will pick the best joke and put it in my spotlight

My thoughts on michael jackson

Just a couple of weeks ago Michael Jackson died.

I was very shocked at his death I think mostly because it just came out of the blue.
He had just announced 50 dates for his new tour and seemed to be in good condition.
there was a video of him in practice for his concert just a few days before his death, again he seemed to be in good health.

I remember the night he died, me and my mother had just finished watching a movie.
We turned to the news channel and there was a breaking news bulletin that Michael Jackson had died, then there was another news report that he was in a coma.
Finally it was official he was dead.

My mother was in shock, she said "I remember him first appearing on TV, I grew up with him".
I remember thinking to myself He's to young to die, I know that's a silly thought death is no respecter of age.

I saw the helicopter on TV carrying his body across the city and landing, I saw the body , I just couldn't believe it was him.

Secretly I kinda thought it was some publicity stunt. I had a crazy notion that there would be a funeral on stage and suddenly the thriller music would start playing. He would jump out of the coffin and start singing.

I must admit that it took a while for it all to sink in. I don't see him as a hero I do see him as a very talented individual who has had a very unstable life. I do think that the world has lost a great entertainer.

One thing that amazed me is how his death has made him even more famous than his life.
his music is in the charts, he has been on the TV more now than in his life.
it's kinda strange,
seems to me that his death has been his rebirth.

Such a odd dream

I had a rather odd dream last night and I have been trying to keep it fresh in my memory all day so I could write about it.

the dream started, I was out side a very large building and I had a blue suit on almost like a combat suit that they wear in the army except it was blue. I was armed with a hand gun, I was part of a team of 4 men each one dressed the same as me and with the same weapons.

We was all stood at the back of a small van and were preparing to enter the building. I didn't know what was in the building but for some reason it had been evacuated. There was something in the building that had killed people and was now roaming in the halls and corridors. No one knew what the thing was or exactly where it was in the building.

My Team was ready to go in. we ran to the entrance of the building.
The building it's self was a light blue colour and had about 18 floors each floor had a long corridor that was at least 100 yards long and about 8 doors on each side of every corridor.
The floors were very shiny and well kept. the walls were white.

for some reason I believe that the building in my dream was a hospital.
Near the entrance there was some steps the lead up the front of the building. I knelt at the bottom of the stairs and waived my team to head up while I kept look out till they got in front.
The three men who was in my team I had never met before. they went ahead and the last man said to me "Guarding the rear eh?" with a smile on his face. I turned and followed the men up the stairs I holstered my gun.

Next thing I know I am on one of the corridors. the rest of the team are just a few steps behind me we are trying to be quiet, we are looking for the thing that was roaming one of the corridors.
There is no sign of the thing that had killed the people and sent everyone running.

Suddenly there was a noise and I turned quick grabbing my gun from the holster and taking aim looking towards the far end of the dark corridor. There was a shape in the distance, it was a cleaning machine with a man on it. I turned and looked at my side and there was a open door.
There was a old robot laid in a bed in a room, it was not working.

I decided I would break away from the team and head down to the next floor, I opened a door that lead to a stairway that headed down to the next floor. There was no light apart from the light coming in through the windows. as I got a Little way down the stairs I could hear a banging sound, almost like footsteps but a lot heavier.

I got to the door that lead to the corridor I was to explore. I could hear something walking around on the corridor on the other side of the door. I opened the door and walked on to the floor. I could not see anything moving around on the corridor. I knew that what ever it was was on this floor, I put my gun in front of me looking down the sights and letting my gun lead the way.

there was the usual 8 doors on each side of the corridor and I could hear this thing walking around, it's feet making a banging sound and a scraping sound each time it took a stride.
One of the doors at the other end of the corridor flew open and I saw what it was that had done the killings. It was a robot about 8 foot tall, it was very big and appeared to be very strong.

I yelled out to my team but there was no answer, the robot heard me and started to head in my direction I pointed my gun at it and shouted "Stop or I will shoot" it just carried on walking towards me, I was a little scared. I shouted "STOP NOW!" it just carried on I opened fire I must have fired 8 or 9 shots that didn't appear to do any damage, I reloaded my gun and opened fire again now slowly walking backwards as I was firing at this thing, I thought to my self. Wait a minute I am not going to back down from this thing.

I stood my ground and kept firing and the bullets were starting to hurt it. I was bringing it down


Then I woke up.

what a odd dream.

What a day!

Well I say what a day or should I say couple of days I have had.

First let me apologise for not doing my tell a joke Tuesday, the reasons follow

I guess there is always some one worse off than me and really it's not been to bad but I guess it just seems like I have had a few days of not so good luck, let me explain why.

it all started yesterday well almost three days ago now, I was sat quite happy on my laptop playing on my game and waiting for my Jenn. Mom was walking around the room. Next thing I know the laptop nearly falls off my lap. I look around to see what the cause was, My mother had walked across the room and had tripped on the charger wire for my laptop which in turn yanked the computer.

I checked to make sure she was ok, she said she was fine and went and sat down in her chair.
I suddenly notice that the part of my charger lead that connects to the laptop was bent I took it out of my laptop to see if all was ok. I tried to straighten it and I felt something snap. straight away I knew something wasn't right. I plugged it back in to my computer , nothing hap pend. the screen didn't brighten and the battery indicator was showing that there was no charger plugged in.

My laptop was losing power, I tried wiggling the plug, still nothing. I was in a panic I took the charger plug out of my laptop and looked again. I have one of those chargers with the detachable ends, a Universal charger. I took the end of and to my horror the prongs inside had snapped.

I was so devastated, there was only 40% power left at this point. I sent a message to Jenn explaining what had happened. Then I decided I would turn of my laptop to save the last bit of power. unfortunately it seems that it took a good 15% of the power to shut down, there wasn't enough power to restart.

I tried to find another charger, I called my sister she had one but it didn't fit,
I tried the neighbours, still no luck I was out of options.

The next day = Tuesday, I had a idea. There was a electrical store about 3 miles from where I live, so I decided I would take a walk down there,
what happened the minute I walked out the door?
it started to rain and it didn't stop the entire time I was out there.

The weather reports had been predicting thunderstorms all week, but there was no thunder, just rain rain rain. By the time I had got to the store I was soaked. I got the piece that I needed fore the charger and headed back in to the rain and to the house.

I got back and dried off. I put the piece on my charger, which didn't fit to well. I plugged it in and !
Nothing . I had put the end of the charger on the wrong way. I turned it the right way and plugged it in. there it was, the little blue light that indicated my laptop was charging. I took it down stairs and turned on my computer.

Everything started up fine, that is apart from the Internet. I couldn't believe it. the bad weather had interrupted the Internet. I had to wait for the bad weather to pass before it seemed to start working right. about twenty minutes ago.

What a few days of bad luck. hopefully everything will be ok now.

Wayne;s severe storm watch

Welcome to my storm watch.

A hurracain has formed about 200 - 300 miles of the west coast of the usa. I am keeping a firm eye on it,

its current path will take it away from land and further out to the ocean.

Photo Friday

I haven't taken part in photo Friday for a while due to a lack of material
but now with Lot's of new pictures I am back
So here is my photo Friday for this week.


This is Melissa, I was taking a picture of her to show my Jenn.
I aimed the camera and said "Smile Melissa". so what does she do?
puts her head upside down and sticks out her tongue.

Oh well typical Melissa.


Well I hope you all like my photo Friday.

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Sassy 1993 - 2009

Sassy was My beautiful Jenn's cat

Sassy first came along in to the family when Jenn was just 5 years old.
So I guess you could say that they grew up together.
As children and pets grow up together they is usually a bond that forms between the two, this was the same with my Jenn and Sassy.

Sassy fast became a loved member of the family
Jenn has often told me story's about her.

Sassy would fall asleep at the bottom end of Jenn's bed
and in the mornings would wake Jenn up by licking Jenn on the face.

Sassy was also a proper lady in the world of cats
she would always sit up prim and proper.

and she had a little white spot on her chest and it was almost like she had a pendent on.

up until recently Sassy was a active cat , but she became very I'll
every day activates were becoming a challenge for her,
but Sassy been the cat she was persevered with her illness.

however Sadly it became to much for poor Sassy and she had to be put to sleep yesterday.

So this is for Sassy

We will never forget you

We love you Sassy