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Monday, 20 April 2009

No easy desicion

For about three and a half months now me and my mother have had a lodger stopping with us.
The lodger is my nieces boyfriend, he has paid his rent and been very little bother to anyone all in all he is a good kid.

Now the main problem is that my niece is pregnant to him and that's why he is lodging with us, he moved from his home and came to live with us so he could be close to my niece. him lodging here was on condition

Conditions are as follows
1 = He and my niece make every effort to get there own place as soon as possible.
2 = He finds employment as soon as possible.
3 = both he and my niece must be trying as hard as possible to establish them selves at all times.

On the first rule they were nearly successful once but however got turned down.
On the second rule he hasn't really tried to hard and my niece has barley supported him
and on the third it seems neither of them are trying at all.

At this rate he will still be here well after my great nephew is born and there is just not enough room for him and the baby and my niece at that point. and my nieces mother is at her Witt's end and completely out of room .

me and my mother are now starting to get at each other because we just have no privacy what so ever the lodger sleeps on the sofa down stairs and out of politeness we sometimes even go to bed early so he can get some sleep.

We are doing this for my niece because we love her and want to see her happy but however the expense of this is slowly becoming to much in a emotional sense it is causing tension all round.

We are pestering my niece saying she needs to be doing more and when we do this she says we are getting at her then it gets us down because we feel like we are hurting her feelings.
it really seems like there is no easy way out of this one, or at least no way out without us looking like the bad guys.

I have come up with a idea
My idea is putting a time limit on the time he can stay. I have decided that they will have until the 20th of July , this gives them three months to get there act together and get there own place.
If not he will have to move back to his parents.

I am hoping that this will give them both new motivation, but if they do not make it in time I must send him home. We just dont have the room for all three of them.

I feel so bad for suggesting this idea, well I haven't suggested it yet.

am I doing the right thing or am I doing the wrong thing?


Jennifer said...

I think it would be so sad to send him home when she's got a baby on the way, but I also think it might be the threat that makes them realize they need to get their act together. If you do set the time limit you MUST STICK TO IT! Don't let them push you around.

But you also need to remember the real victim in this situation is that little baby. What's best for him?

-stephanie- said...

You're being very kind to let him stay at all, and he must follow yours and your mom rules. I think giving him a date to get his act together is very reasonable, and he needs to know he needs to be a responsible parent when the baby comes. Either he gets his act together or out he goes. It's called tough love. Don't let him treat you two like a doormat.

Lisa said...

It is always a sticky situation when things like that happen, but trust me, you are doing neither him nor your neice any favors by continuing him to sit on his laurels. We were in a similar situation with my sister and her husband, and it actually ended in divorce. Not because of us, but because her husband NEVER stepped up to the plate, so to speak. If you give this guy a push, an ultimatum, you will see what he is made of, and that is what is important. He needs to grow up, with a child on the way. Decisions need to be made, and unfortunately, you and your mom will have to be the "Grow up or get out" folks. It is best for ALL involved.

One Anxious Mommy said...

I think you are doing what is best for you and your mom, that is what is important. And you have been extremely flexible with them!