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Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.

here are my jokes for this week.

What did the snail say when it took a ride on the tortoise?

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.

Hello! Welcome to the Mental Health Hot line!

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly, being certain to touch the table and counting to 10 between each press.

If you are Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press since no one will answer.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.

If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are too busy to help worthless people like you.

And thank you for calling the Mental Health Hot line!

Well that's my jokes for this week I hope you all enjoyed

Please feel free to leave a comment


-stephanie- said...

I think these are your funniest yet.

Jennifer said...

I like the last set. Very clever. Love you!

Anonymous said...

I really like the one about the Grandfather in the car. ;-)

Alex the Girl said...

Yes, the grandfather one was quite funny.

Warren Baldwin said...

Laughter is always a good way to start a day, and the mental health hotline got it started for me!

lisaschaos said...

A wooly jumper! I like it!