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Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday


Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.


I have some funny quotes to start with so here goes.


I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
Leslie Nielsen.



top ten tips to know if you have PMS

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-POOP."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


and here is a joke to finish off

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the poop that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no poop in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some poop on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

Well I hope you enjoed the jokes for this week

please feel free to leave a coment.




4 comments:

Moannie said...

Dear Wayne, I love your tell a joke tuesday but cannot tell a joke to save my life. Keep writing them and I'll keep reading them and chuckling.

Jennifer said...

I loved the PMS jokes. Some of those are FOR REAL!

-stephanie- said...

Great jokes this week, Wayne.

Alex the Girl said...

ah ha ha ha, those were pretty good. Great Tell A Joke Tuesday.