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Saturday, 13 December 2008

I had to post this one

Ok I was reading through a page of jokes and I came across a top ten list of different things and I saw these and I just had to post them. they really had me laughing so please read and enjoy.

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

  1. Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
  2. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
  3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
  4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
  5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
  6. Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
  7. Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
  8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
  9. There go the lights again?
  10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

Top Ten Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

  1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
  5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  6. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
  7. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  8. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Top 10 Things to do at the Mall

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.

6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".

3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.

2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

I found these so funny I hope all my readers do too

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