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Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.

A apple a day keeps the doctor away if it's thrown in the right direction.

A blond woman is speeding and gets pulled over by a blond police woman.
The blond police woman asks the blond driver to show her licence.
The blond driver asks "Whats that"?
The blond police woman says "Well its a small square thing and it has a picture of you in it".
The blond driver looks through her bag and pulls out a mirror and sees her reflection and thinks, Well this has my picture in it so it has to be my licence and she passes it to the blond police woman.
The blond police woman looks at the blond driver and says "Oh dear I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realise you was a police woman too".

What do you call a man who can cook you dinner clean the house and take out the trash?
A legend.

Well there are my jokes and quotes for this week Please feel free to leave a comment!

Monday, 30 March 2009

My third day in the USA

I woke up and I still felt a little jet lag, I had the slight headache and still felt a little week.
We had a big day today , Me and my Jenn went to the Mormon church together but on the way we stopped at my good friend Morgan's parents. We got to the door and was greeted by Morgans mom she shook my hand we went and sat down in the living area. Morgan's dad introduced him self and I also met Cortney Morgans sister and her Brother Stuart.

We all set of for the church me and Jenn followed Morgans mom and dad.
We came to the church and I must say that it is possibly the most beautiful church I have ever seen.

We took sacrament and went to Sunday class and Morgan's mom stayed with us all the time which was very sweet of her because I think we would have gotten lost without her help.

In the third class the bishop announced that there was a couple of visitors to the church, I look all around expecting to see a couple in the back with their hands raised or standing up but nope.
I look back to the bishop and he is looking at me and Jenn, he was talking about us.
We stood up and Morgan's mom announced who we were and where we was from.
We said hi and gave a wave and sat down again.

Before we knew it church was over, we decided to go to a restaurant called Five Guys.
Morgan had been telling me that this place was the best ever burger place and I would never go back to McDonald's once I had been to Five Guys.

I have to admit the cheese burger was one of the best I have ever tasted and the fries were very good, I would say that McDonald's is now in trouble.

In the evening Jenn and me decided we would make a cake we went to Walmart and got the ingredients.
We got to Jenn's Dorm and We baked a awesome cake,,,Well Jenn did most of the baking I just cut my finger on the whisk and ate the mix.

All in all it was a truly awsome day.

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Domino dud

Well it's now my second night in the USA and today me and my Jenn decided we would order from Domino's pizza.

We placed our order for a Delicious deep pan extra cheese pizza. Even as I was on the phone I could feel my mouth watering and all my thoughts were on the pizza and the cheese dripping of as I grabbed a slice.

The voice at the other end of the phone said 4o minutes and so we waited.

Eventually a knock came to the door I jumped up like I was on a spring and ran t the door.
I opened the door and there was the delivery driver with my pizza in hand.
she handed me the pizza and I asked where the bottle of sprite I had orderd was.

The girl looked in horror and said "oh dear I forgot it, I can go get it for you if you like" I kinda felt sorry for her so I told her it doesn't matter I can get one from McDonald's just round the corner and as I said those very words I could hear my self thinking "Wayne you are so clever !clap clap clap! I'm sure that will make her feel better,,, NOT!!.

I paid her the money and closed the door and placed the box on the table.
we opened the box and to our horror it wasn't the deep pan cheese that we had ordered but a ham and cheese thin crust.

My first instinct was to run after the delivery girl shouting "IT'S THE WRONG PIZZA!!!" but I'm pretty sure she would be long gone already so we sat and ate our ham and cheese pizza Jenn had to pick the pieces of ham out of the cheese and give it to me so I ended up with a extra ham and cheese pizza.

So you could say that I got a dud from Domino's

Saturday, 28 March 2009

I'm in the states

After one taxi ride two train rides and two plane journeys and a car trip over nearly 5000 miles I am in the united states of America.

I am so happy to be here with my Beautiful Jenn and I am the happiest I have been since last time I saw her and I will be posting many photo's of me and my Jenn while I am here in the USA.

It has been quite a long journey and even now I have jet lag. it feels like some one is playing the drums on my head and I am a little confused as to the time difference but apart from that all is well.

Me and Jenn plan to do quite a few things while I am here go to the movies, shopping, general having lots of fun kinda things.

I was most worried on my journey that I had filled in all the paper work correctly, the fact that I had spelt part of the address where I am staying wrong was really playing on my mind and it wasn't until a few hours before I departed that I realized and I called the travel company and asked them and they said I couldn't really change it because it was within the 72 hour time period. I had no choice but to go with it and hope every thing would go smoothly I mean it was only one letter wrong, but even so it was playing on my mind.

I was thinking-I'm gonna get to the desk and the border patrol is gonna say" Well were terribly sorry son but you spelt it wrong, your gonna have to go back"

I would have been devastated.

But when I got to the desk the border patrol officer never said a word apart from , good afternoon sir, he stamped my passport and that was it.

Well here as promised are a few pictures of my journey, enjoy!!!

The train to Manchester airport

The corridor to the main terminal, I love the lighting effect.

This is terminal two where I waited for 7 hours.

The plane that took me to Amsterdam.

Ready to go!!!

In the air and on my way.

there are many more pictures of my journey and even a few video's and I will be posting them over the next few days.

take care

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday Spotlight

Welcome to tell a joke Tuesday spotlight.

and in the spotlight this week is.......

Congratulations! Adrian and thank you so much for taking part this week.
You are in the spotlight!

here is your joke

What’s The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack

For a chance to appear in the spotlight, take part in tell a joke Tuesday

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Tell a Joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.

I figured I would start by re posting a poem that I wrote for my Jenn. and it really made her laugh so I will use it

my funny poem about cramps..

Cramps and women, women and cramps

What is this thing that sends women in to a trance.

You dare not say anything that may be out of place

and you can tell there really angry from the look on there face.

usually so sweet and do anything you ask.

when women have the cramps you become a pain in there ass.

They will tear you to shreds if you make one wrong move

so just don't say anything till their mood has improved.

Here's another life saving tip for all the guys to know

When a woman has cramps don't dare interrupt there tv show.

and here are my jokes for this week!

What is a crocodile's favorite game card game?

Two vampire bats had a race,
they finished neck and neck.

Two fish are in a tank and one says to the other
"how do we drive this thing"?

why can't Frankenstein ever have babies?
because his nuts are in his neck

What did the digital clock say to his mother?
Look ma no hands!!

Well I hope you all enjoyed my poem and jokes for this week

please feel free to leave a comment

Monday, 23 March 2009

Prayer for Stellan

I am a follower of not me Monday as many of you are and as usual I went to the not me Monday page to find that there was no not me Monday post. in it's place was news that Stellan the youngest of the Mckmama children had become quite sick and had been taken to hospital, I have been following Stellans progress through Mckmama's post that she has been updating to let us all know the condition of Stellan. I just wanted Mckmama and all other blogger out there who take part in not me Monday and even those who don't that my prayers are with Stellan and his family and I hope he will get better soon and make a full recovery.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Not me! Monday

This blog carnival was created by Mckmama
You can head over to her blog an find out what she and everybody els has not been doing this week.

Not me Monday was introduced to me by my beautiful Jenn who does some of the greatest blogs around.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce my post called TELL A JOKE TUESDAY. it has Mr Linky so the world can see your joke or funny story. So please feel free to join in and help me to make the world laugh. I hope you will join in the fun.

Well boys and girls Lady's and gentlemen it's another week gone by so fast

Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it!

so what have I not done this week ,,, well let me think

when I saw a spiders web in my bedroom I did not go on a mad spider hunt because I was afraid that if I went to sleep with a spider in my room it may crawl in my mouth while I was asleep and I would swallow it.

when I woke up the next morning I did not instantly feel around my mouth with my tongue to make sure there was no spider running around in there.

When I was at work I did not feel the urge to dance along with the hairspray movie.

I am not counting the hours 70 until I set of to be with my beautiful Jenn.

while running a little late for church my mom shouted me and I ran down stairs and she told me that I was nearly late and I did not tell my my mom that there was a saying for when your nearly late and it's called, on time! she did not scutch me for being cheeky

I am now not addicted to lost I mean whats so interesting about survivors suck on a island full of mystery and danger and seeing what each one of there dark secrets are?

I did not say to a customer don't worry this wont hurt you like those dentist do, only to find out hat the customer was a dentist, oh boy am I hoping I don't need a tooth pulled any time soon.

I so did not forget mothers day was on the 22nd.

I did not tell her that the pre picked daffodils by the church cost me a fortune when they was in fact free.

I would never trip and nearly fall at work and then say to a group of people who saw my embarrassing moment,, "It's OK I do all my own stunts".

I am not expecting to be a great uncle any day now.

I do not have a behind like a baboon after having toilet trouble for most of the week .

and last but not least.

while at work I did not feel something pulling at the bottom of my trousers, and when I looked down I did not see the thread had come lose and I had left a trail of my trouser thread reaching right from one side of the store to the other unfortunately the bottom of my trouser leg had come unfolded and was now hanging over my shoe and was trailing along the floor. I did not then have the bright idea to fix the problem with some double sided sticky tape which is still holding now.

well that is my not me's for this week and I hope you all enjoy.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Photo Friday

Welcome to photo Friday a blog hosted by mamageek
I have taken part now for about 4 weeks and have had so much fun.
Well here are my photo's for this week.

I decided to base this weeks on a day of grocery shopping with mom so here goes.

Me and mom often go to Morrison's
here is the entrance to Morrison's. it was once a army base years ago and housed the Royal Irish Dragoon guards in 1856 and has been converted to a shopping center.
and here is the main shopping center, kinda looks like a castle.

inside it is quite big as you can see this is just the isle beyond the checkouts.

they cook bread fresh every day in these old style ovens.

Market street is the part of the store where you can buy fresh meats like ham or beef or chicken, and you can also buy cheese from this section.
And this is the waiting system, you take a ticket and wait till your number is up.

Mom gets trolley duty while I am the go getter, she will say to me "Wayne grab me that tin from that shelf".

Here is me waiting for mom to catch up, she can take quite a while when she is doing her shopping.
Here are some of the fruits of our labour.

Well I hope you all enjoyed shopping with me and mom .
and I hope you all enjoyed my photo Friday.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Why Do they?

Well it has been such a very busy week,
in the week more questions have risen.
Questions that need answers.

So here are my questions for this week.

1) Why are pictures of UFO's always out of focus?

2)Did the city of Atlantis really exist?

3) Why can't the people who live across the road from a graveyard be buried in that graveyard?
trick question

4)If you found land that was undiscovered and claimed it would that make you king or queen/royal?

5) If toilets spin opposite ways in the northern and southern hemisphere then will a tornado do the same?

6) Was the deep impact mission by NASA really a attempt to deflect a comet from striking the earth?

7) If there was no gravity then would a man be able to lift a planet?

8) should they bring back national service?

9) will world war 4 be fought with bow and arrow and sticks and stones?

10) in lost why didn't they just build a boat and sail away?

Well there are my questions for this week.
have fun

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday Spotlight

here is the best joke for this week from tell a joke tuesday.

And the best joke comes from.



Congratulations Stephanie you won the Tell a joke tuesday spotlight!
So here is Stephanie's joke.

A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.

Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.

The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?'

Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'

Well Done Stephanie!!!

To have a chance of been in the spotlight just tell your joke and leave your link on tell a joke tuesday.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Tell a Joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh.

Here are my jokes for this week.

A English man , Scottish man and a Irish man are in a car driving through the desert.
Unfortunately there car breaks down so they decide to walk. The English man says " Well if we are walking I'm gonna take the water from the radiator so I can have a drink".
So he gets his flask and fills it up with the water.

The Scottish man says " Well if we are walking I'll take the radio so we can listen to some music".
He grabs the radio and tunes it in.

The Irish man Says "aaahh well if we are gonna be walking I'll take the car door".
The English man asks "Why on earth do we need the door".

The Irish man replies "Well If it gets to hot I can wind the window down".

What did the big phone say to the little phone?
Your to young to be engaged

Two blond women on the beach in England, one blond asks the other
"Which do you think is the further away the sun or California"?
The other blond looks at her and says "that is soooo obvious it's califonia, I can see the sun".

What has four eyes and can't see?

Well there's my jokes for this week I look forward to reading yours.

please feel free to leave a comment

Monday, 16 March 2009

Not me! Monday

This blog carnival was created by Mckmama
You can head over to her blog an find out what she and everybody els has not been doing this week.

Not me Monday was introduced to me by my beautiful Jenn who does some of the greatest blogs around.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce my post called TELL A JOKE TUESDAY. it has Mr Linky so the world can see your joke or funny story. So please feel free to join in and help me to make the world laugh. I hope you will join in the fun.

Well this week has been a week of everything going rather smoothly for the most part but there has been a few hiccups but not me Monday is all about the things that didn't happen right? cough cough.

Well I haven't spent most of the last week worrying about my pre visa to go to the states only to find that the one I thought had expired is in fact valid for two years. I would never worry needlessly like that.

and there is no way on earth that I would get in to a argument with my mother in the middle of the superstore about whether we have already got the dvd I was pestering her to buy.

and I have not only just started watching the very first season of lost for the very first time, I mean you think i would have seen them all working in a video store that rents all the series right?

I am not right now looking at my light in my room and blinding my self because there is a really big cobweb near it aaagghh I think I'm going blind.

and I am not secretly wishing that the recession would hit the history channel because my I am sick of the sight of it. I now know every troop movement in both world wars. My mother watches it waaaayyyy to much.

I did not buy my Jenn the cutest teddy bear in the entire country just because I love her so much and she asked me too.

I did not see captain America walking past me on the street the other day.

and I did not as a result think I was having a nervous breakdown.

and I did not tell my work mates in fear that they were gonna call the men in white coats to come and pick me up.

and right at that point it did not suddenly dawn on me that it was red noes day and I did not feel like such a ass after I realized why the guy was dressed up.

well that is my not me Monday for this week thank you so much for reading and have a great week.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Tell a joke Tuesday update

To all my readers.

I have come up with a idea for tell a joke Tuesday
Each week I will select one person who's joke I like the best and post their joke along with a link to there page and their picture on my blog

It's kind of a prize for the best joke

I look forward too reading all your jokes on tuesday.

take care

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Photo Friday

This is now my 4th photo Friday and I have had so much fun so far.

I always think it's amazing just how small we are in the grand scheme of things and it was only till a while ago that I realized just how small we are.

This is a picture of our planet, isn't it amazing to think that even though we are big compared to a insect or bug we are just little dots compared to the planet we live on. who would think there are billions of people on this our planet you can't even see us in the picture we are so small.

As you can see from this picture our planet again is but a small spec compared to the size of most of the other planets and next to the sun we are so small it's the same comparison as when we stand next to a small insect like a ant or a flea. we are really small.

As for our sun if you think it is big then take a look at this photo of our galaxy. if you look close you can see our sun is highlighted by a yellow target and its path is also displayed.
Again as you can see we are really small in the grand scheme of things. Imagine how powerful of a telescope would you need to see us from this far away. we really are so small and our planet is so very fragile. but however it was mankind working together that made this picture possible so I guess that yes as individuals we are so small but as a race we are capable of anything. no matter how large the challenge is.

I hope you all enjoyed my photo Friday for this week.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Honor them Thursday

Welcome to Honor them Thursday A once a month chance to honor those that have made a difference in your life.

for the very first honor them Thursday I want to honor My beautiful Jenn.

My Jenn is the most sensational and beautiful women ever.
I love her more than anything she lights up every day of my life.
My Jenn is my angel.

I have known my Jenn for about two years now and we have been together for 1 year and three months. the best memories of my life are with my Jenn and I can't wait to be with her in about two weeks.

My life is dedicated to her and I love Jenn more than anything forever.

me and my Jenn love sunsets so every time I see a beautiful sunset I think of my Jenn.

This honor is for you my beautiful Jenn I love you so much .

please feel free to leave a comment

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Why Do they?

It's been such a long week and again questions have risen which need answers
Questions that rack my brain
so here are the questions that I must ask

1) Why don't cash machines dispense coins?

2) is there a film where there is no reference to love in it?

3) If the queen is head of state then why do Parliament make all the decisions?

4) if religion is so peaceful why does it lead to war?

5) when you played cowboys and Indians whey were the Indians always the bad guys?

6) Why aren't the police cars the most powerful and fastest cars in the world?

7) Why in sports movies does the entire team rely on one player to win the game?

8) The flu jab infects you with the flu to make you immune but you go near other people who you then pass the flu on to so is the flu jab just a conspiracy to make money?

9) if England is 5 hours in front of the united states does that mean I am from the future?

10) If wrestling is real then why do they never go to the hospital except for when there is a accident? and why do they never have bruises?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Tell a Joke Tuesday

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh

here are my jokes for this week.

How do you make antifreeze ?
Put her in the freezer

A man is walking along the beach and he hears a crying sound he walks a little further and he See's that it's a woman with no arms or legs laying on the beach .
he asks "why are you crying"?
the woman replies
"Ive never been screwed before"
He picks the woman up runs to the peer chucks her in to the ocean and shouts
"HA!!! your screwed now!!!

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

  1. Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
  2. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
  3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
  4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
  5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
  6. Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
  7. Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
  8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
  9. There go the lights again?
  10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

what did the fish say when it swam in to the wall?


well there are my jokes for this week I hope you all enjoy

please feel free to leave a comment.

Monday, 9 March 2009

Not me! Monday

This blog carnival was created by Mckmama
You can head over to her blog an find out what she and everybody els has not been doing this week.

Not me Monday was introduced to me by my beautiful Jenn who does some of the greatest blogs around.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce my new post called TELL A JOKE TUESDAY. it has Mr Linky so the world can see your joke or funny story. So please feel free to join in and help me to make the world laugh. I hope you will join in the fun.

This week seems to have been a back to basic kind of week. and believe me when I say that I have been very practical in all the things I do.

I mean I would most definitely think that my mom would like her cornflakes in the morning so I did not drink most of the milk.

Ok so maybe it's not me who is been practical.

and I am most certainly not using the spell checker after each and every line that I write I am way to good of a speller for that just ask my Jenn.

It wasn't me that was looking at the grey clouds on my way to work and saying "Don't you dare rain on me"
I mean what am I gonna do about it if it does rain on me, oh boy if only I had a brain.

I am not now thinking of the Wizard of oz movie and singing if I only had a brain out loud.

I am not hoping that every body who reads my not me will join in with my Tell a Joke Tuesday post tomorrow hint hint Smile smile. :)

I did not spend at least two hours on a game building a big army only to get completely destroyed in about two minutes. some general I'd make. stupid game

I am so very good with my computer I mean I would never get confused about what the sticky keys are and spend nearly ten minutes figuring out how I get them back to normal again. Does anyone know how to remove the sticky keys thing?

I did not make my self seem really old at work by singing the Fragle Rock theme tune. I gotta keep my self young right?

I did not tell my boss that she looked like a zombie when she was ill with the cold the other day. I hope that she has a sense of humor.

and I am not now engaged in a battle of whits with my mother on how to stop her from waking me up every day ten minutes before my alarm goes off to get me up for work.

I will keep you all posted on the alarm clock war lol.

Well I hope you all enjoy my not me Mondays for this week and I hope you all have a great week and I hope you will all join in on my tell a joke Tuesday.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Mother V.S the Alarm clock

I love my mother so much she does so much for me. She makes me sandwiches to take to work she makes sure I never go hungry and she nags like most mothers do.

But for all her great attributes there is one thing that she does that bugs the hell out of me.

She seems to think that she is better than my alarm clock for getting me up in the morning or when ever I get up.

now I am the first to admit that I am not the best person for getting up out of bed, but I can when I have to.

I set my alarm clock roughly a hour and a half before I have to be at work. This gives me half a hour to get showered and ready and a hour to get to work.

My mom always asked me what time I have to work the next day, now there is my first mistake.

I tell her the time I am working and usually no more is said about the subject. she goes to bed and that is it.

I go to bed and set my alarm, if I am working at 2:00 pm I set it for about 12:30 pm and I lay in bed and fall asleep.


I jump up looking at the clock thinking my alarm hasn't gone off, the time says 12:21 pm.
I can't believe it that is nine minutes of sleep I have missed out on and it's not just a one off thing.

My mother always seems to wake me up more or less ten minutes before I have set my alarm.

Now I ask anybody who reads this post ,
is there anything more annoying that been woken up ten minutes before your alarm goes off every time you have to work?

Well I guess this is my grumble for this week lol.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Photo Friday

This week I thought I would take some pictures of the cats I live with.This is Sophie, Don't worry she's not dead she just likes to sleep like this for some reason.

This is Polly She is the teaser of the group she loves to wind Sophie up every chance she gets.

This is Melissa. She is Polly's sister, Melissa spends most of her time fetching Laundry from my room and howling in the early hours.

Here is sugar the heavy weight of the cats she will eat anything in her way and is the boss of all the other cats. sorry about the bad picture off sugar she never holds still.

I hope you all like the pictures of the cats

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Why Do they?

Yes boys and girls it seems that even more questions have risen this week.
Questions that need answers. so I will ask the world and see if they can answer.

1) Would leaders be so ready to wage war if they had to lead the army's in to battle?

2) how can they call boxing a safe sport?

3) If a man is fishing on the boarder of his country and a fish takes the bait and line and swims across the boarder can the man by law reel the fish back in to his own country?

4) They say we only use a quarter of our brain so whats the rest of it for?

5) Why do they give multiple life sentences if you only get one life?

6) why don't they make a world wide currency?

7) why are Adam and eve never depicted as apes or Neanderthals if they always say that we came from apes?

8) Why in movies are the good guys never arrested for killing all the bad guys?

9) Did Niel Armstrong really walk on the moon?

10) which ways more a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
Trick question

Well I hope you all find my questions interesting and maybe you can answer them

Have fun.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Welcome to TELL A JOKE TUESDAY were you can tell your jokes or funny stories and make the world laugh

here are my jokes for this week.

1) A English man and a Scottish man and a Irish man are stranded in a boat in the middle of the Atlantic ocean and have been there for days. the English man notices a bottle floating in the ocean so he plucks it from the water. the label is covered in dirt so he gives it a rub. there is a big bang and a wizard appears from the bottle.

The wizard says "I have been trapped in there for centuries thank you so much for freeing me"

He gives each one of the men a wish, the English man wishes that he was back at home watching England wining the world cup. The wizard says "your wish is granted" the English man disappears with a poof of smoke. the Scottish and Irish man look at each other in amazement.

The Scottish man jumps up nearly tipping the boat over and says "I wish that I was back in Scotland in the pub with a big mug of beer and my wife in my arm singing drinking songs".

The wizard says " your wish is granted" and the Scottish man disappears leaving the Irish man alone in the boat with the wizard.

The wizard turns to the Irish man and says " Irish man what is your wish".

The Irish man can't decide he is thinking for at least a hour.
The wizard says "look Irish man your in the middle of a ocean your all alone in this boat it cant be that hard to make a wish"

The Irish man stands up and says Ive got it I wish that I had my friends back in the boat with me.

I told the doctor I keep thinking I am a deck of cards and he told me to go away and he would deal with me later.

I hope you all like my jokes for this week.

feel free to leave a comment.

Monday, 2 March 2009

Not me! Monday

This blog carnival was created by Mckmama
You can head over to her blog an find out what she and everybody els has not been doing this week.

Not me Monday was introduced to me by my beautiful Jenn who does some of the greatest blogs around.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce my new post called TELL A JOKE TUESDAY. it has Mr Linky so the world can see your joke or funny story. So please feel free to join in and help me to make the world laugh. I hope you will join in the fun.

anyway it seems that this week has gone so fast and so much has happend. and as always I have been so good

so lets cut to the chase.

I did not spend nearly the entire walk to the church / 1 mile / arguing with my mom about who's fault it was that we had taken the long way to the church

It wasn't me that got baptised this week in to the world of Mormon.

I did not nearly freeze to death seconds after my baptism because the changing room heater wasn't on.

and I did not eat nearly all the banana bread at the meal after the baptism I am not that greedy.

there is no way I ran out in to the middle of a busy road to save a old man who had fallen of his bike I mean I am smart enough to look both ways first and not just focus on the old man right?

I would never walk around in my mothers fluffy slippers because I can't find mine that I left in my bedroom at the side of my bed near the cupboard no no no.

and I did not nearly suck a entire carpet in to the hoover because one of the threads got caught up in the spinning thing in the hoover.

and I did not set of every smoke alarm in the house when I made some toast for my self. I am far to good of a cook for that sort of thing.

I would never tell a customer he looked like one of the characters from the first saw movie then follow him round the shop telling him I wanted to play a game in jigsaws voice. I know I work at a blockbuster store but that would be just taking it to far.

There is no way I would encourage Melissa the laundry cat to eat peperoni pizza she has her cat food and that would giver her indigestion and she would get gas like she did and it got smelly and mom was convinced it was me who had made the nasty smell .

anyways that is my not me Monday for this week I hope you all enjoy.

Sunday, 1 March 2009

I recived the Holy Ghost and I am now a Mormon

Today was the final part of my induction in to the church of Mormon.

I had to receive the Holy Ghost by baptism of fire. Now when I first heard the baptism of fire part I suddenly got the image of a long carpet of burning ashes and Cole's that I would have to walk across shouting Yes! Yes! Yes!

That wasn't the case at all I was called to the front of the church and Elder Barfuss Placed his hand on top of my head along with Elder Maughan Elder Catcher and Bishop.

Elder Barfuss Then gave me the gift of the holy ghost and I am now a Mormon. I ma so very happy I and part of something I believe in and it makes me happy.